Y'all Need Gorgonopsids

This is Malachite here with the greatest group of animals ever to walk the Permian expanse, or probably ever, the Gorgonopsids. This board triggered the sudden urge deep inside me to yell about my favorite animals, so here we go.

This thing's name translates to "gorgon face", and if you don't know what a gorgon is, it's a big snake/woman creature that can totally tear your face off, just like the animal it was named after could if it was still prowling around today, kicking ass like it did 250 million years ago. It looked like a cross between a komodo dragon, a dog, a saber tooth tiger, and your worst nightmare, and it was probably the physical incarnation of god's pure, unadulterated fury.
It also existed before the earliest dinosaurs, and probably enjoyed eating their ancestors.


You may be thinking, "lol wow that's dumb, malakite, thats just a typical rat boy" well DAMN are you in for a SHOCKER. These babies were everywhere during the Permian, some as small as a cat, and later on, some species getting as big as a rhino. A rhino. Let's not forget that they were all carnivore, teeth and claws ready to tear into some poor bullshit lizard unfortunate enough to live anywhere near them. Let's look at a restoration of one of these things' faces:


As you can see, Gorgonopsids were sporting some damn fine saber teeth millions of years before smilodons even existed, yet the furballs get all the fame. Not only are they favored over these killing machines, but so is Dimetrodon, who lived around the same time. What people don't realize, however, is that Dimetrodon is just a big lizard with a sail, and Gorgonopsids destroyed their reign, becoming the late Permian's apex predator (Probably because they were giant at that time with totally bitchin' fangs). They were also good at making our little cynodont mouse ancestors shit their pants at the very sight of them in the distance, before god decided to terminate them by nuking the planet with history's most brutal mass extinction ever--so they wouldn't end up taking over the damn world at that rate. Which they probably would've.

They're also theorized to have two different kinds of bites, aka, two different forms of death for their prey--it's polite enough to let its prey make a choice. The first was a instant death bite, in which the bastard used its super murder fangs to pierce through something's flesh like an unholy Dark Souls version of a stapler. The second was where it tore a chunk out of its prey with interlocking incisors, which totally hurts and can't be healed with bed rest and gatorade.

Due to its sturdy limbs, it probably wasn't a very fast runner, leading some to hypothesize that it had a good sense of smell and was an ambush predator. It probably hid in the bushes, watching some idiot animal, before stampeding out as fast as it could go like an enraged football player, and colliding with its prey so hard that it probably didn't even know what happened before its insides were torn into paste.


Image credit: Dmitry Bogdanov

Here's an illustration of Inostrancevia Alexandri tearing into some poor bastard, mind you Inostrancevia currently is the biggest Gorgonopsid on record with a 24 inch long skull and saber teeth that are 15cm long. Here's one compared to Benedict Cumberbatch (It's in red)




MALAKYTE, WHAT DOES PERMIAN DEATH MACHINE BEAST HAVE TO DO WITH ME, MAKALlAHCiTE?M

Here's the best part about these things, they're early mammals. If you were ever wondering where mammals came from, here you go. Gorgonopsids are theriodonts, which are the most badass prehistoric protomammals ever. Theriodonts are a family of synapsids, which includes all mammals (that includes you and me. WE'RE SYNAPSIDS YEAH). Gorgonopsids were taking brave evolutionary steps into the unknown as they were tearing up shit, boldly going where no lizard has gone before. Probably why they look like a cross between a t-rex and a dog.

While Gorgonopsids were completely wiped out, their cousins who they mauled daily, the cynodonts, eventually evolved into the mammals we know today. So if you think about it, we're kinda related to them, distantly. Which is totally fucking cool. Next time you and your friends are talking about your lame family members, bring up this badass and watch their jaws drop.

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GORGONOPSIDS IN MEDIA

Gorgs don't get a lot of attention in media, which is a total shame, and probably why I have to inform you about them. They did feature on Walking with Monsters, seen here,
(these videos have blood or whatever so watch out)



And here (sorry for potato quality)


They also got some recognition in the show Primeval (they did them really well)




So yeah, this is Malachite, with my favorite animal ever and the need to tell the world.

Sources: [x] [x] [x] and whatever I could remember