Internet Safety & Predators

ALRIGHT, so I've decided to speak about this because it's a good idea to get it out in the open now instead of waiting for something bad to happen within this community. I noticed that a lot of past animal MMO-type communities neglected to post any formal recognition of this problem until it happened to a prominent member.

This is about online safety. You might be able to brush off a lot of this as "common sense," and I know I was able to back when I first heard about it. The issue is that you're given some vague idea of what to look out for, and it doesn't occur to you that the issue is manifesting until your real life is severely affected by it. Yes, I've experienced online predation first-hand, and it put me in two extremely destructive relationships before. In the second one we actually did get to know each other in person, ended up together for about a year and a half, lived in the same apartment, etc. and it pretty much ruined my life for a while. It had such a massive impact over the years that I found myself acting totally different (pretty vile, really) and developed a series of horrible mental disorders that I'm still trying very, very hard to recover from.

That personal bit aside, I'm going to move on to talk about you guys.

As mentioned before, no, we have had no cases of this happening within the community yet. That's a great thing, but the community will inevitably expand as the game progresses more, and EVERY community has the potential to attract predators. Especially ones with a userbase that is (mostly) underage aka under 18.

If you ever meet someone in this community who exhibits several of these signs or has this impact on you, take a step back and evaluate the situation very thoroughly. Try to embed a conflicting argument in your head instead of getting absorbed in how great the person may seem aside from these "flaws," think of every questionable thing they are doing. If their behavior heavily mimics the following and you're finding yourself affected in the following ways, you are certainly dealing with a predator. These are not ALL of the signs, and I may add a few more as I think of them.

1) You start to find yourself withdrawn from others, both online and offline. You get REALLY absorbed in talking to this person and find it hard to pull away from a conversation, to the point that it's getting unhealthy for you. You're having trouble making it through the day without the thought of what they may say or how they may react to several of your real decisions.

2) This person pressures you into talking to them almost constantly. They freak out if you're offline for a day, they try to control what you do or where you go both offline and online, they judge your relationships with others and try to turn you against those people and closer to them, they straight up stalk you online, and/or they ask you to lie to others to "protect" your relationship.

3) More obvious one: they pry you for personal information (real name, pictures, birthday, location, etc) and pressure you into meeting up in person. Pressuring does not necessarily mean they are rudely demanding it. Often times, it's expressed in a very casual way, but the request is voiced repeatedly even after you say no the first time.

4) They completely swoon over you. They tell you how amazing you are, how "mature" you are for your age, and they tell you that you're perfect. You two have known each other for a relatively brief period of time, and they're already claiming to love you. It's a lie. It's easy to fall for when you have many other bad relationships in your life and you crave affection. Please, please do not believe that they actually care for your well-being or anyone else's. They are selfish.

5) They guilt trip you for doing or saying certain things. They force apologies out of you for minuscule things. They want to be the only one in your life, and they're making a big attempt to groom you into their idea of a "perfect" partner.

6) Predators are often much older than the one who is being preyed upon, but sometimes the ages may be very close. They go after people who are younger than them because they want someone who is impressionable, someone who will treat them like a god and blindly follow them. They also tend to actually be extremely immature, so they find themselves relating to teens/kids more than those who are their own age.

7) When you do something "wrong" and will not apologize or you "upset" them in any other way, they attempt to manipulate you by threatening suicide, self-harm, etc.. Often, they will tell you that they can't live without you, you're the only one for them, or you're soul mates. For people who have an issue with wanting to help out everyone (overly empathetic), the guilt tripping is SO difficult to get past. It always was for me. Try to keep in mind that they are not actually going to harm themselves, they are literally just trying to make you feel bad to get what they want. Kind of like a screaming child. The best way to approach it (if you're overly empathetic) is to consider the impact their behavior may have on other people. Imagine this person is doing the same crap to multiple others (and they probably are). By not reporting this behavior to someone or seeking out help, you are unintentionally enabling it; giving them what they want lets them know that it works.

If you ever come across a suspected predator within the community, please let a staff member know. If it IS a staff member, contact a different one that you feel comfortable with talking to about the issue. We will not play favorites with this shit. I have a very strong stance against predation, and it would be a relief to have any scumbags kicked out of here so the rest of you are safe. This is one offence that we absolutely WILL NOT tolerate. Any discovered predators will be kicked right out of this community, and we'll do everything in our power to ensure they cannot return.

If this is happening to you outside of the community (beyond our reach), please don't hesitate to ask for advice from someone you are close to or someone you trust well enough with the information. I know I'm more than willing to lend an open ear and give advice. I know what it's like. I don't want to see anyone else deal with it. I don't want to see it ruin someone like it ruined me.

If you're noticing that a friend is starting to show strange behavior, and they're with someone who is likely showing these signs (they may not be easy for you to spot since the predator tends to be very good at shutting their "partner" away and convincing them to keep secrets), talk to someone you trust about the issue and ask for advice. Keep in mind that the best way to help is to NOT be blunt about it; don't try to force your friend out of the relationship. They have to leave the situation on their own will. Just let them know that you're there for them, talk to them regularly, REMIND them that you care. (Lightly) let them know if something seems off. Otherwise, they might just distance themselves from you and draw closer to the predator/manipulator.

IF THIS EVER HAPPENS TO YOU, PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it. You are not stupid. You are not worthless. Your intelligence is completely unrelated to how susceptible you are to emotional manipulation. Really, people who have trouble seeing things in black-and-white have a higher chance of running into this issue; you want to believe that no one is inherently "bad" and just want to see the good in this person. No one is entirely bad. But some people are so fucking toxic that they just need to stay far away from you and anyone else they might harm. They are a danger to other people. YOU are not the problem, THEY are for finding it perfectly acceptable to mess with someone's emotions for their own benefit.

Healthy relationships do occur over the Internet, but you absolutely must be skeptical of everyone. You can never be too careful with this.

Feel free to PM me or another staff member with any questions.

& STAFF, edit this post as needed and add your own input if I left anything out.